I think I’ve been eating too many Funyuns lately. Whose idea was it to make an onion flavored chip? And how do they taste better than onions? Edit: I ruined Funyuns for the rest of my life. I threw them all up the day after I wrote this entry.
Why do I have so many cats? Why? We lose at least one a year. Our cat, Prince Harry, got lost for a few weeks and he came home with a collar, a name tag, and no balls. They named him Rusty. What the fuck kind of name is that? My mom attached a note to the collar that says, “His real name is Prince Harry.” I may regret mentioning this, because normally when I spread good news, it jinxes...
January: Have a New Year’s party in my room/on my roof. Austin dumps me again. I drive the Fiero for the first part of the month. I get pulled over for a broken headlight. He lets me go. I get the Beamer during the middle of the month. February: I turn 17. My mom puts streamers and balloons all over my car when I’m not home. John gets me guitar strings for my...