Old picture. I miss having colorful hair, but I hated how unhealthy it felt.

I am getting cabin fever. I’ve spent every single night alone for the past five days. I drove around today and went to the coffee shop hoping if I sat in the corner and doodled in my sketchbook, someone would come talk to me, but literally every single seat was taken so I just ate my cookie and smoothie in my car.

I feel so vulnerable out here. I’m terrified to make eye contact with anyone. And I have NO idea why I feel that way. I guess I just have no idea how to handle all of this because I have no memory of what it feels like to move somewhere new. I have no experience. I know it’s not true, but I feel like people can just tell I don’t belong here when I walk into a room. I’m not even allowing myself to feel like I belong. I don’t regret this decision at all, though. I’m feeling everything that I anticipated to feel, and that’s good. At least I’m feeling something.

I am dying to find a job. And though I absolutely need one, I want one that will make me happy. I’m so sick of settling for a shitty job just because I need the money. I am hoping for the best out here. I’m going to try my best to stay positive, because I made this decision for a reason. I no longer want to sell myself short. I am going to work for everything I feel I deserve because I know I’m worth it.