http://ragmop.tumblr.com/

"Nobody will stop you from creating. Do it tonight. Do it tomorrow. That is the way to make your soul..."

Sun, 19 May 2013 20:32:34 -0500

“Nobody will stop you from creating. Do it tonight. Do it tomorrow. That is the way to make your soul grow - whether there is a market for it or not! The kick of creation is the act of creating, not anything that happens afterward. I would tell all of you watching this screen: Before you go to bed, write a four line poem. Make it as good as you can. Don’t show it to anybody. Put it where nobody will find it. And you will discover that you have your reward.”

- Kurt Vonnegut (via blua)

ithinkillbeaminer: craftycake: Time to work out and release...

Sun, 19 May 2013 20:30:29 -0500

ithinkillbeaminer:

craftycake:

Time to work out and release some of the tension and frustration of this day.

postingart without attribution makes artists sad ):

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lamentart/5148817819/in/photostream

I will love and miss you more and more as each day goes by. I...

Thu, 16 May 2013 12:39:08 -0500

I will love and miss you more and more as each day goes by. I finally dreamt about you. It was nice to see you again. I hope there’s more dreams to come. You’ve left your mark on all of us… We’re all working at being a better person because of you. Thanks for everything, kiddo. #jamesmonterio

A teaser for Andy’s new film “Strangers”, a...

Tue, 14 May 2013 00:52:50 -0500

A teaser for Andy’s new film “Strangers”, a documentary about local Vegas folk. He will be releasing the full one later this year, it’s still in production.

I’m so proud of him. Thank you to everyone who helped him!

Through thick and thin. Sometimes people come into your life and...

Sun, 12 May 2013 22:40:26 -0500

Through thick and thin.

Sometimes people come into your life and they burn their mark into your timeline. They stick out like a sore thumb above all the rest because they stuck around through the ups, downs, and in-betweens. You grew up with them, learned things the hard way, inspired each other, and encouraged each other. There are some people who come into your life who you couldn’t forget if you tried. I’m grateful for that.

My condolences to you, Jess. I have dealt with death of friends three times this year, I know it is hard, I know it is unbelievable, and I know this is just a message and it can't do anything to bring him back. But you are not alone, not ever. Do something in his honor, perhaps it will help the wound heal easier. If you ever need anything, I'm here to listen.

Sun, 12 May 2013 21:49:27 -0500

Thank you, Jade. I’m so so sorry to hear you’ve had to go through this more than once… it’s something I wouldn’t wish on an enemy. We are all doing many things in his honor, it’s actually beautiful to see everyone come together in light of him, despite anything that’s happened over the years. He affected our lives in both life and death, and I know we’re all determined to make sure his legacy lives on. We won’t stop talking about him. We won’t forget him.
Thank you so much, I appreciate it.

Why did you leave us? Why? I’m trying so hard to be strong...

Sun, 12 May 2013 00:30:30 -0500

Why did you leave us? Why? I’m trying so hard to be strong but I fucking can’t. I just don’t fucking get how someone as happy and brilliant as you could be robbed of his life so soon. It’s not fucking fair. You were such a beautiful person. This doesn’t feel real and I don’t think it ever will. I will never be okay with this. We just want you back, James. I genuinely feel like I can fix this but I know I can’t. My heart is fucking shattered. Please let this be a joke. Please.

Christopher Golebiowskipencil and watercolors on paper2010

Sun, 12 May 2013 00:13:43 -0500

Christopher Golebiowski
pencil and watercolors on paper
2010

paradoxicalsentiments: norhuu: My friend Isaac has the most...

Sat, 11 May 2013 22:17:48 -0500

paradoxicalsentiments:

norhuu:

My friend Isaac has the most gorgeous hands I have ever seen, and I am completely enamored of them. The day I met him he promised to let me draw them, and I finally got to last weekend.

I can’t draw but I do like drawing hands and pretending I am decent

I have a weakness for nice hands and forearms.

Ryan Gosling won’t eat his cereal (x)

Fri, 10 May 2013 15:22:32 -0500

Ryan Gosling won’t eat his cereal (x)

“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that...

Fri, 10 May 2013 15:19:34 -0500

“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.”

— Hugh Laurie

You always made sure I had food in my tummy and Christmas...

Thu, 09 May 2013 12:00:17 -0500

You always made sure I had food in my tummy and Christmas cookies every year. You always let me have a midnight snack: cinnamon pecan swirls… my favorite, because of you. I’m glad I could spend time with you in your last few days. I’m so sad that I have no body to call me “mija” anymore. I’ll miss you, Grandma. Strongest woman I know, you just didn’t want to let go. Rest in peace. 💔

ohdevanny: We put James’ picture on the shelf above the TV. Now...

Tue, 07 May 2013 00:06:30 -0500

ohdevanny:

We put James’ picture on the shelf above the TV. Now I just stare at his face instead of watching anything… #jamesmonterio #pleasecomeback

I'm so so sorry about your friend, I just read your entire post and it's heartbreaking and it really makes you realise the fragility of life. I know the next few months are gonna be really shitty for you, so I wish you all the best. I wish there were some consoling words I could say to you but I've never lost anyone so close to me before, and I know nothing I say will make up the grief you're going through. But I guess just be glad you knew someone so amazing, and stay strong x

Mon, 06 May 2013 22:55:03 -0500

Thank you. Every moment someone sends messaging one of us means so much. I’m absolutely miserable right now, messages like this make me feel better for a little bit. I appreciate it.

On Thursday, May 2, 2013, I received the worst news I’ve ever...

Sun, 05 May 2013 14:41:00 -0500

On Thursday, May 2, 2013, I received the worst news I’ve ever received in my life. I’m still trying to figure out how to handle it.

One of my best friends who I’ve recently lost touch with the past year called me while I was at work, so I didn’t answer it. Immediately after it stopped ringing, he called again. When is that ever a good sign when it’s somebody you haven’t hear from recently? I texted him.

I’m at work, what’s up?
I need to tell you something. You need to know.
Can you text it? Is it bad?
It’s too intense.
Who is it about? You’re scaring me.
Call.

I have never been so petrified of dialing a phone number. I knew whatever he was about to tell me was going to make my world fall apart, and honestly, the worst thing that came to mind was that he caught Andy cheating on me. I was bracing myself to have my heart broken.

What’s going on?
I just got off the phone with Tia… James was in a car accident…
Oh my god.
…He didn’t make it..

I didn’t expect my heart to shatter like that. “You’re kidding me. Please tell me you’re kidding me. You’re joking. Please please please, Carlos, please be kidding.”

“I’m not..”

I fell to my knees. I was hiding in the bathroom at work, doing a terrible job at remaining quiet. “James is GONE?! He’s GONE?!” Silence on the other end. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”

I met James when I was a freshmen in high school. He was the cute boy who sat across the room in Biology who never spoke a word. He had long curly hair and a brown hoody with holes in the elbows. I hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing his 100 watt smile at that time because he was so shy. I had silently crushed on him until mid school year, when I was finally introduced to him through a mutual friend. We immediately clicked. After a few weeks of hanging out, we started dating. He was my first boyfriend in high school and my first kiss of my high school career. I was smitten about this kid. We were just 15. We didn’t last long, though. He broke up with me after a couple of weeks. That was the first time he broke my heart. May 2nd was the second time.

After we broke up, we remained close friends. Even though I still had the biggest crush on him, I’d always talk to him about his girl problems. We had this kind of on and off thing up until my junior year. The timing was never right because we just weren’t meant to be together, we were just meant to be best friends. He liked me when I was over it, and vice versa. If we ever liked each other at the same time, we decided not to do anything because we didn’t want to make our friends feel weird since we were all such a tightly knit circle. Despite everything and any kind of drama going on around us, we always remained civil. We always cared about each other, we were always there for each other. We never got mad at each other. In fact, he was never mad at anything. I’ve known him for eight years and I have NEVER seen him angry. I have NEVER heard him complain.

It wasn’t until last year when I moved to LA that we lost touch. I always figured we’d cross paths again one day, that that part of my life was simply over but we’d see each other again and just pick up where we left off. He texted that last picture of us in the back seat exactly a year ago from today.

“I was TINY!!!” He said.
“Holy shit!!! We’re babies.”

He said that our friend Jon and I were the only ones with photos of him back then. I told him I have so many more where that came from, and he asked me to send them to him when I had a chance. “Of course!” I said. I never did.

That was the last time I talked to him. May 5th, 2012. Exactly one year ago today.

I would fucking do anything to talk to him at least one more time. Anything.

I am exhausted. The past few days have been absolutely brutal. I’ve never lost somebody so close to me so suddenly and tragically. I wake up every morning in a daze. I haven’t eaten much. Haven’t had much of an appetite. Haven’t gotten much sleep. My eyes are burning and I feel like my entire face is swollen from crying so much. What pains me the most is that this is not how James would have wanted me to be. We are all taking this very hard, his family and friends. His family is being so pro-active about this and it’s absolutely beautiful. They want to start non-profit organizations in his name and throw a big memorial party at a skate park for him.There are so many people going through the exact same thing I am. None of us understand how this could happen to somebody so fucking gentle. We are all trying to keep a smile on our faces for him, because that’s what he would have wanted. But it’s so hard for me. I feel so weak. I feel like a chunk of me is missing. He and I would always call ourselves Team Rocket (from Pokemon) because we’re Jessie and James and we were both nerdy and still loved Pokemon whether we were 15 or 21. I hate that I’m the only one left of our little dynamic duo.

I could sit here for hours and tell you about how effortlessly this kid could light up a room. I am telling you, he did not have to try to make me laugh. Some of the hardest times I’ve laughed in my life were simply because I’d glance over at him and he’d just give me this look that he’d always do… He’d shrug his shoulders, raise his eyebrows, and spread his giant smile across his face. He didn’t have to say anything. He just had to be James.

Freshmen year, we had a LOT of fire drills in first period. James was in a different class, but we always ended up in the same area when we evacuated. I remember we would just wait for each other, whoever got there first. We had so many fire drills that it just became routine for us to goof off and be annoying little kids until we had to go back inside. I always looked forward to those drills. I remember every time the fire alarm went off I’d happily walk to our spot, searching for him and flag him down.

The first and only time I ever ditched class was with him and another friend. We skipped one class and I was nervous the whole time. He kept teasing me. We just went across the street from school where there was an emu in somebody’s front yard and hung out. He was a professional at skipping class, I was not.

I was with him the first time I drove on a free way. He went with me to the mall and convinced me to buy my first pair of vans. They were brown. Brown was his favorite color. We were in a rush on the way home and he told me to get on the freeway. “I’ve never done that before, I’m scared!” “JUST DO IT!”
James had this lively way of talking. He would deliberately make himself sound as loud and ridiculous as possible with every word that he said. He was not monotone in the slightest. His voice was always elevated and he was always talking through his laughter.

I spent countless nights on AIM with him, chatting all night until the sun came up. He’d send me music, and man did he have such a wide variety of taste. He’d go from The Doors and Herman’s Hermits to Natasha Bedingfield and Mariah Carey.

He was always a sensitive guy, the kind of guy who dreamed of marriage and having a family. He was always so charming and I can guarantee every other girl I know had a crush on him, too. You couldn’t help it. All you had to do was see him smile and you were instantly locked in.

I remember after we first broke up, there were a few months where we didn’t talk to each other. I was, of course, still crazy about him and missed him. I even wrote a song about it. (15 year old brooding at its finest.) One night, around 1 or 2am, he instant messaged me. God, I will never forget how my heart stopped when I saw that message pop up. We stayed up all night talking and that is the moment we re-kindled our friendship and kept it alive for so long.

I have so many memories of just driving around the city with him. He was always in the passenger seat and I was always facing the challenge of trying to focus on the road while laughing hysterically. He was always up for anything. I am not exaggerating. This kid would tag along with you everywhere. He’d always help me on photo shoots, go on shopping errands with me, just come over with his little sister and watch movies with us and stay until 5am and Andy would drive them home.

You may be thinking it’s weird that Andy drove my ex-boyfriend home. But James was never really an “ex-boyfriend” to me. James was one of my best friends who I just happened to be into for a while and we dated once. Andy was well aware of our history because I’m always honest and upfront with him about everything. But Andy has told me countless times that he never felt threatened by James or mine and his relationship. That’s the thing about James. He’s harmless. He’s polite, he’s respectful, he’s trustworthy, and he’s genuine. They instantly connected and played video games together all the time, and I knew they would. I never doubted their ability to get along, I knew that they would keep each other in great company because I knew they both have such warm spirits.

James was color blind. I had a grey cat, and when he first saw her, he freaked out. “YOUR CAT IS PURPLE?!” I was so confused. “What? No, she’s gr-… oh my god, that’s right! You’re color blind!” I always felt so bad when things like that would happen for some reason. I was jealous that he could see a purple cat, though. And for the longest time, he genuinely thought my dog’s name was Ginger. He had called her Ginger for months before I finally asked him why he called her that. He said “I thought that was her name?” I said, “No… it’s Hannah.” He said “THAT’S DUMB. I’M CALLING HER GINGER.”

There was one time that I recall where he drove me around. He finally got a car, a shitty little red Jetta, and he picked me up to go to Denny’s. He was SO stoked on that car. (But then again, it didn’t take much for him to be excited about something. He was not a materialistic person. For him, it was always the little things.) I thought that car was going to fall apart on our five minute drive to Denny’s.

A couple years ago, he and his little sister randomly came to visit me at work when I was working at a go-kart place. That was one of the most pleasant surprises ever. They stayed for an hour or so just because they wanted to see me.

Another time we all went to the park in the middle of the night and played in the water. We were up until the sun came up, playing childish games. One of my absolute favorite memories.

He acted for one of Andy’s finals for school and I was genuinely so impressed with his acting skills. I remember how pro-active he was about this project. We’d ask him to do something and he’d just do it. Never questioned us. Really took this project seriously. That’s how he was, though. He was always supportive of our projects.

He was always supportive of my art and photography. Always so stoked on new drawings, asking me to draw pictures for him, etc. I drew a picture of him in high school and he had it as his myspace default for so long. He loved everything I made. Absolutely everything. He always made me feel so fucking good about myself and the things I was doing.

Last year when I moved to LA, he randomly texted me to see how things were. When I told him how much I loved it and how I finally found a great job, he said, “That’s so awesome, Jessie! Soooo happy for you!! I have a smile on my face and a good feeling for your future.”

I keep reading that sentence over and over. “I have a good feeling for your future.” It pains me that he won’t get to see my future, and I won’t get to see his. I wish I would have invited him to visit me. He would have loved my apartment. He was always driving to LA to visit his girlfriend, and we even talked about meeting up a couple times but it just never happened. God damnit. I wish it happened.

I know I’m just rambling now but I don’t want to forget any of this. There are going to be so many days where I need to fall back on this post for support. My memory is getting bad, and the last thing I want to do is lose any of these. They are precious to me. I’m trying to dig deep to gather any memory I have of him. James meant so much to me and was one of my best friends for years. I remember how grateful I felt whenever I’d come home after hanging out with him. Shit, I didn’t even have to wait until I got home to feel that gratitude. I felt it when I was next to him.

I can honestly say that I have the most unique circle of friends. Though we are all grown up now and have pretty much gone our separate ways, this entire experience has taught me that we will ALWAYS be family. My friends and I, we were never really the type that hugs hello and goodbye. In fact, I think I may have hugged some people for the very first time in the 8 years that I’ve known them yesterday. But I can assure you, I’ve never held anyone so tight and they were some of the most heartfelt hugs I’ve ever had. I needed those hugs. Those hugs were precisely why I bought my plane tickets to Vegas when I got home from work the day I found out.

We are all heartbroken over this. Some are a lot stronger than me when it comes to keeping it together, and I commend them for that. But we are all hurting just the same. Yesterday we all got together to remember him. And not in a way where we were all sad and crying the whole time. That’s not what we wanted. That’s not what James would have wanted. Yesterday was like a reunion. In his honor, of course, but we didn’t want to focus on his departure. Instead, we focused on how much he touched all of our lives. We looked through pictures of him and told stories. We were all there for each other if somebody ever needed a shoulder. I can’t begin to articulate how amazing it felt to be in their company again after so many years of being apart. James would have loved last night. We wish he could have been there. Often times I felt like we were throwing a surprise party for him and he was just going to walk in laughing, bobbing his head back and forth and sticking his tongue out, calling anyone dumb for crying about it.

Honestly, that was one of the only things that would bring me back to feeling normal. Being reminded, “Do you know what James would say if he saw you crying right now? ‘GOD, YOU’RE SO DUMB!’” in his stupid, ridiculous voice. That was the kind of relationship we all had with him. We’d just lightly tease each other all the time like a bunch of 7 year olds, calling each other stupid and dumb.

James, you’re dumb for dying. We want you back. Please come back.

Please come back.

Me over the years. #jessieshungry #art

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 03:43:00 -0500

Me over the years. #jessieshungry #art

#art #jessieshungry

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 01:32:01 -0500

#art #jessieshungry

sabellerena: …

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 00:26:03 -0500

sabellerena:

…

carliihde: 1ds-got-the-way-of-a-hurricane: adfproudtobeadirecti...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 23:24:03 -0500

carliihde:

1ds-got-the-way-of-a-hurricane:

adfproudtobeadirectioner:

anchanthedestroyer:

thelovelylunareclipse:

I CANT BELIEVE THIS JUST SHOWED UP ON MY DASH

Haven’t seen this in years!

OMG THIS WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY CHILDHOOD.

SDJFBASKFHLAKSJDA.

Hell, why not?

Photo

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 21:25:58 -0500